Parenthood
Okay, so since Jay and I are the only two people in the crew with a baby I figured it would be a good idea to give you all a little idea about parenthood. I realize that Brant and Jenn will be the next two to pop out a little ankle biter (sooner rather than later, seeing as Jenn wants a little one right away and is probably using Brant’s condoms for pin cushions) but anywho I would like to everyone a little taste of what it is like…and it isn’t all that bad.
So the labor part, all the guy does is sit there and tell her how good she’s doing when she is pushing but he is really just worrying about the next 18 or so years of his life and watching his childhood flash before his eyes. So all the actual work for the first nine months is on her. Then, like magic, you have this perfect little person that is all your responsibility. You have to teach him to do all the right things and raise him and feed him the right foods and make sure that he is good and not beating other kids up. Of course I would rather have my son beat up other children than get beat up himself. But I am getting ahead of myself, seeing as Hunter is only 3 ½ months old. You see, this tiny little baby changes your entire life in a single instant and there is nothing you can do about it. And to some peoples’ surprise, it is for the better. You are suddenly more responsible about pretty much everything. You think twice before spending money on that $50 pair of Sketchers that you want so much; you don’t go out nearly as often, you go to bed earlier (mainly because you get absolutely no sleep at all, unless you are Jay and can stay up until all hours for no reason what-so-ever). You aren’t a completely different person, you’re just different.
At first you worry about if the baby is eating enough. Doctors and books say that if the baby is asleep for a while, wake him up to feed him. So in the middle of the night you are worried that it has been too long and you wake him so he can eat. And he does…sometimes for 1 ½ hours. You are so tired that you start to cry (only if you are the mommy because your hormones are all screwed up that you cry for no reason at all). Well since you are crying the guy has to console you and he loses more sleep as well is because he has to tell you that everything is ok at 3:00 in the morning even though he shitting his pants still because he isn’t sure of that at all. Now after the hormones are back to normal, you can function a lot better so you don’t cry during the 3am feedings anymore…if you are talented enough you can sleep while he is eating. Oh, let’s not forget the peepee and poopie diapers in the middle of the night. Now this isn’t all that bad. You take one off, wipe him down and slap on a clean one. It really isn’t bad, but if it has poopie in it, you never know how it might smell. One thing for sure, baby poo should have its own crayon. It is rather interesting.
As the months fly by, you realize how foolish you were for waking him up at night. You both needed your sleep and you ruined it. Oh well, what’s done is done. Then he gets older and more fun to play with. He is still breakable but his neck doesn’t snap in half if you don’t support it…he is more like a bobble head doll. He gains a little personality and you know what will make him smile or cry, sleep or stay awake. And for you guys, you get to start putting together some of the toys. Ask Jay for details, but if a lot of screws are involved you might need a professional. All his little quirks come out and he starts to talk. Now I am not saying that you can understand him but he sure knows how to talk. He will have a complete conversation with you in absolute gibberish. You have no clue as to what either of you are saying but he understands every word. This is when you realize that you no longer speak as an adult, find yourself babbling like an idiot ‘abat addada dooboo’ is now part of your vocabulary. You type your blog with one hand because the other is filled with a babbling baby. He grabs the mouse to your computer and makes you type you blog several times because some how he keeps hitting ‘edit-clear’. Things are a little crazy but fun. You play with toys again, and trust me those little stackers we used to play with, the donuts we stuck on a stick, are now shaped like stars, light up and play music. This generation has plenty of brain stimulation.
Now poopie diapers can be hilarious. You usually know when it is coming because you hear a growling sound coming from your child. He strains and strains until you hear Mt. St. Helen’s erupt out of his ass. The pungent aroma pierces your nostrils but for some reason Jay still sniffs the butt to see how bad it really is. Sometimes the smell is gagging but every time it happens you laugh because you can’t fathom how that came out of him!
But in all honesty parenthood isn’t at all horrible, the first time you see his angelic smile, hear that cute giggle, or say something to him in gibberish and he answers back, each moment is priceless and you realize that you would do anything for him. You could never imagine loving anything as much as you love him. The frivolities that you cherished before take a back seat and he is you whole world and you couldn’t even imagine life without him. Life changes and though times may be hard, it is worth every second because now you know you have a purpose, to make sure that this innocent, little person grows up safe, that he gets everything he needs to be the best that he can be. You want for him everything you never had and then some.
So the labor part, all the guy does is sit there and tell her how good she’s doing when she is pushing but he is really just worrying about the next 18 or so years of his life and watching his childhood flash before his eyes. So all the actual work for the first nine months is on her. Then, like magic, you have this perfect little person that is all your responsibility. You have to teach him to do all the right things and raise him and feed him the right foods and make sure that he is good and not beating other kids up. Of course I would rather have my son beat up other children than get beat up himself. But I am getting ahead of myself, seeing as Hunter is only 3 ½ months old. You see, this tiny little baby changes your entire life in a single instant and there is nothing you can do about it. And to some peoples’ surprise, it is for the better. You are suddenly more responsible about pretty much everything. You think twice before spending money on that $50 pair of Sketchers that you want so much; you don’t go out nearly as often, you go to bed earlier (mainly because you get absolutely no sleep at all, unless you are Jay and can stay up until all hours for no reason what-so-ever). You aren’t a completely different person, you’re just different.
At first you worry about if the baby is eating enough. Doctors and books say that if the baby is asleep for a while, wake him up to feed him. So in the middle of the night you are worried that it has been too long and you wake him so he can eat. And he does…sometimes for 1 ½ hours. You are so tired that you start to cry (only if you are the mommy because your hormones are all screwed up that you cry for no reason at all). Well since you are crying the guy has to console you and he loses more sleep as well is because he has to tell you that everything is ok at 3:00 in the morning even though he shitting his pants still because he isn’t sure of that at all. Now after the hormones are back to normal, you can function a lot better so you don’t cry during the 3am feedings anymore…if you are talented enough you can sleep while he is eating. Oh, let’s not forget the peepee and poopie diapers in the middle of the night. Now this isn’t all that bad. You take one off, wipe him down and slap on a clean one. It really isn’t bad, but if it has poopie in it, you never know how it might smell. One thing for sure, baby poo should have its own crayon. It is rather interesting.
As the months fly by, you realize how foolish you were for waking him up at night. You both needed your sleep and you ruined it. Oh well, what’s done is done. Then he gets older and more fun to play with. He is still breakable but his neck doesn’t snap in half if you don’t support it…he is more like a bobble head doll. He gains a little personality and you know what will make him smile or cry, sleep or stay awake. And for you guys, you get to start putting together some of the toys. Ask Jay for details, but if a lot of screws are involved you might need a professional. All his little quirks come out and he starts to talk. Now I am not saying that you can understand him but he sure knows how to talk. He will have a complete conversation with you in absolute gibberish. You have no clue as to what either of you are saying but he understands every word. This is when you realize that you no longer speak as an adult, find yourself babbling like an idiot ‘abat addada dooboo’ is now part of your vocabulary. You type your blog with one hand because the other is filled with a babbling baby. He grabs the mouse to your computer and makes you type you blog several times because some how he keeps hitting ‘edit-clear’. Things are a little crazy but fun. You play with toys again, and trust me those little stackers we used to play with, the donuts we stuck on a stick, are now shaped like stars, light up and play music. This generation has plenty of brain stimulation.
Now poopie diapers can be hilarious. You usually know when it is coming because you hear a growling sound coming from your child. He strains and strains until you hear Mt. St. Helen’s erupt out of his ass. The pungent aroma pierces your nostrils but for some reason Jay still sniffs the butt to see how bad it really is. Sometimes the smell is gagging but every time it happens you laugh because you can’t fathom how that came out of him!
But in all honesty parenthood isn’t at all horrible, the first time you see his angelic smile, hear that cute giggle, or say something to him in gibberish and he answers back, each moment is priceless and you realize that you would do anything for him. You could never imagine loving anything as much as you love him. The frivolities that you cherished before take a back seat and he is you whole world and you couldn’t even imagine life without him. Life changes and though times may be hard, it is worth every second because now you know you have a purpose, to make sure that this innocent, little person grows up safe, that he gets everything he needs to be the best that he can be. You want for him everything you never had and then some.
posted by Jenna at
11:13:00 AM
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