Free Beer and Hot Wings

   No this isn't about where you can find free beer and hot wings, this is about the morning show on 94.5 the Hawk.  If any of you out there listen to this on your way to work in the morning maybe you have the same dilema as me.  I used to love this show and would listen to it religiously, Jay would tell me how awful it was and that they suck.  Now I am starting to feel the same way.  If you don't know anything about it their are 3 guys on the show.  One calls himself Free Beer, another is Hot Wings, and the third is Zane.  Well these guys used to crack me up, they always make fun of each other and their listeners and it was usually pretty funny.  But recently they have been outright ignorant or just plain annoying. 
   They do this one little stunt where they take lines from various movies or show a famous person has done (Arnold Schwarzenegger, or Judge Judy) and call random people and play the lines and have a moronic conversation until the poor idiot on the other line gets pissed off and hangs up.  It was a little funny the first time I heard it but then they did something really rude.  They called up one man and used a few dumb lines and eventually used the one from Kindergarden Cop that says "Who is your daddy and what does he do?"  Well the guy on the line sounded a little hurt when he said, "my daddy is dead."  These morons then proceded to play another line from the movie where Arnold yells "Stop Whining!"  And the guy hung up.  Now this may sound a little funny to some people but I think they crossed a serious line when they did that.  It also gets really annoying when the station decides to play it several times throughout the day.  I think I heard it three times in one day, and today I heard them do one with Judge Judy's voice.  They think they are hilarious but they are becoming ever so annoying.   They have gotten repetetive and obnoxious, they think they are hilarious when they aren't and even hearing their voices makes me want to change the station anymore.  I was just wondering if anyone else has listened to the show and feels the same way.

Conundrum

As I am sure that everyone knows by now, starting in September I will be teaching biology at Vineland High School.  But as is always the case now that I actually have a job I have interviews coming out of my ass.  Soon after accepting the Vineland position I was contacted by the Camden County Vocational School for an interview, but I turned them down because I already had a job and did not think that Vocy(?) could offer me anything better and that whole situation just did not sit right with me.  Besides how many cute, young, teen girls could there be there?  But anyway, I checked my email today and apparently Collingswood would like to set up a time for an interview.  I think that I might go for the interview just for shits and giggles, but I do not know what I would say to them if they offered me the job. 

 

 On the one hand Collingswood is much closer to my house, not to mention most of my friends live there and I would not be opposed to living there,  it is a district that I have heard good things about, and just appears (I could be wrong) to be a better situation to teach in than Vineland.  On the other hand Vineland has not done anything so far as to dissuade me from the job, everyone that I have been in contact with has been extremely nice and helpful, I have already formed connections down there and I have already filled out a ton of paperwork.  But most importantly I have made a commitment to them, they have offered me a job, I accepted and they are assuming that come September 1st I will be there ready, willing and able to teach these kids some biology.  But again, I do not know how long I would like to stay at Vineland.  I have zero intention of moving down there, it is a very poor district and somewhat ghetto.  But, who knows I could get down there and love it and decide to teach there forever. 

 

Anyway there is my problem.  What should I do?  Assuming I get offered the job in Collingswood, should I pull a Ricky Williams and leave Vineland in the lurch and start all over again in Collingswood? Or do I honor my commitment and stick it out in Vineland even though I would probably prefer to teach at Collingswood?

Worst...Movie...Ever...

originally I used to think that the worst movie ever was Charlie's Angels.  Of course, the only reason I saw it was because of the now famous Keith tagline: "It has hot chicks, good action, and Bill Murray.  What could go wrong?"  Well, apparently everything.  The first movie sucked, and sucked hard. 

 

Well the other day I was watching Hunter and flipping around the channels just hoping to have something on while I chase the little fucker around the house.   The kid is amazingly quick and nimble for a ten month old.  Anyway, I am not sure how much of you out there actually watch daytime TV, but it is usually unmitigated crap, so I tend to stick to the movie channels.  I also tend to have lower standards for movies to actually watch when they are free and on TV.   So I was flicking around and Charlie's Angels 2: Full throttle came on.  This is a movie that I would never plunk down any money to see (especially after the first one) but I decided that since nothing better was on and it seemed mindless enough as to where I did not have to pay attention to every single second I would give it a shot.  Whoops...what a mistake. 

 

To say that this movie blew would be an understatement.  To say that this movie sucked would be an affront to all of the other sucky movies tht have been made.  This was quite simply the WORST...MOVIE...EVER!!!

 

There was some flimsy story about a disgruntled former angel (Demi Moore) and these two rings that brought great power (sound familiar?) and the shady past of one of the angels (Drew Barrymore).  But what little story there was did not matter, because this was not a movie this was a ninety minute music video.  The "action" consisted of the three girls getting dressed into different skimpy outfits, saying two lines of horrific, cringe-worthy dialogue, and then getting into some kind of Matrix-lite, wire-aided, physically and intelligently impossible scenarios.  All of this while some shitty music, straight from B 101 (the hits from the 80s, 90s and today) was playing in the background.  And just in case all of this did not form your brain to go into complete and total gran-mal seizure, there was not a single shot that lasted any longer than ten seconds, and I think that the ten second estimate may be an exaggeration.   The shame if it is that there are some fairly decent actors in the movie, I have seen each of the main actresses do much better work in other movies, even comedies.  It just seemed like the girls just knew that the movie was going to be shit so they might as well have some fun while they collect their huge paychecks.  As with the first movie a great comedic talent, this time Bernie Mac subbing for Bill Murray, was completely wasted.  I kept on waiting for him to turn to the camera and scold America for watching this shit, like he does in his hilarious TV show.  

 

I do not know what else McG has directed but just from seeing these two pieces of shit he needs to stop and do something else.  I suggest gay porn because he needs to be punished for soiling the Earth with this trash. 

Seattle Stuff

My job is awesome.  I do protein purification.  I have my own office and a fired up laptop I can bring anywhere.  The people are pretty cool, although most are married.  Some of the job perks:

1. My company puts 5% into my 401(k) flat
2. My company matches dollar for dollar up to 5%, immediately vested for my 401(k)
3. I can buy stock at 85% of the lesser price of Jan 1st and Dec 31
4. Two words:  Stock options
5. 13 days off for holidays, 3 weeks vacation, plus the week between Christmas and New Year off
6. Free stuff, so far I've collected 3 shirts, 4 pens
7. Happy hour on some Fridays.  Start a 3pm.  All food and beverages covered
8. Parties.  Lots of them
9. Team building.  Take a day off to have a scavenger hunt as you're transported around Seattle to look for clues in a limo.
10. Conferences.  I go to one in November
11. Random things.  I fly to LA for 3 days for a symposium in September

I'm dating a rather awesome gal.  I spend a bunch of time with her.  I spent $300 on a fishtank this weekend. 

Is it just me.....

Or does the music to "Save a Prayer" by Duran Duran sound like the music to level 8.2 in Ninja Gaiden?

The Compliance Alliance

I hate smoking.  I think that it is a disgusting, expensive, harmful habit that should never be started in the firs place.  But do you know what I hate more than smoking?  Anti-smoking ads.  I hate those truth.com ads on TV.   I think that they are stupid, petty and cheap, and I just do not like these fucking sanctimonious pigfuckers preaching about something that is still legal to do in this country.  But the ads that really just get on my last fucking nerve are the radio ads for the Compliance Alliance.  There are two of them, that I know of, and I will give a brief synopsis of them and how awful they are.                

 

The first one involves four friends of different sexes and races (I know that it is radio but you can tell race by voice) sitting around one of their house's and writing postcards to send to all of the local convenience stores and the like that sell cigarettes letting them know about the law and informing them that compliance checks will be made around the state.  They also let these storeowners know about the penalties that they may face if they sell cigarettes to underage kids.  First off, can anyone out there tell me if they or if they know of anyone who in their teens spent their free time filling out postcards to let storeowners know of the law?  The answer is NONE.  This is just insulting, the ad people who came up with this shit just used these young sounding voices to make it sound cool and that all the cool kids these days are sending junk mail to people.  It just really irks me when ad people use young voices and actors to try to make something sound cool when it is just really lame.  But they think that if you use a cool people in the ad then whatever issue they are for or against will then be automatically cool.  It is just obvious and transparent what they are trying to do and in my opinion they are accomplishing the opposite result.

 

The second ad consists of two girls going to a store and asking the kid behind the counter for a pack of cigs.  When he asks the girls for ID they start flirting with him and telling him how cool he is and how they saw him at a party and wanted to gangbang him right there in the middle of the party while everybody watches and reaches in for a feel and then the two girls end up taking on everyone at the party and it all finishes with one huge orgy with a bukake to end it.  alright that last part did not happen but it would have been a great commercial if it did.  Anyway, the guy finally gives into the flirting and gives the girls their cigs.  Well, then the girls inform him how "uncool" he is because he did not ask for ID and that if it were an actual compliance visit then he would be subject to a huge fine.  This ad pissed me off the most because it is just a crock of shit.  Any guy who has worked in some shitty retail job knows that hot chick can get away with anything.  And I know that the chicks in the ad were hot because who really gives into fat ugly chicks?  When I worked at Blockbuster if a hot chick came up to me and said that she did not have her card to rent, I would just blow off the rules and pull up her account and let her rent because she is attractive.  That is just the way it works.  Hot chicks can get away with murder, especially if they flirt with you.  That is why this ad is bullshit, this guy did not break the law, he just gave into his penis.  Those girls could have asked him for all the money in the register and a squishie and he would have gladly handed it over to them with a smile.  Also, the ad features the same stupid bullshit as the last one.  Why the hell are two attractive girls wasting their time going around to stores and checking on their cig policy?  Again, just plain insulting.

 

These ads are just stupid and insulting and they need to be pulled off the air immediately.  So I say that we all get together this Friday night and write letters to all of the local stations that run them and implore them to get them off the air.  Who's with me?  We will call ourselves the Anti-Compliance Alliance or some other hip, cool name perhaps something with the word extreme in it.

 

Also in this blog I mentioned the phrase "sanctimonious pigfuckers"  ten Brazilian crewblog points to the first person to name the blog where I first uttered those classic words.  It is a famous blog that everyone knows. 

That's just Wrong!

Drew and I were talking tonight about movies and we came along the topic of animal abuse in movies and how it is usually funny, even though it is just plain wrong. This got me thinking, most of us are fucked-up and deviant so we should get some chuckles out of some pretty sick shit. So I want everybody to give me a few things that they laugh at that they may or may not be ashamed of that is just plain wrong to laugh at. Here are some of the things that just make me giggle like a little schoolgirl.

Fat people-the bigger the better, I try to hide it but sometimes you just have to point these people out to your friends

Midgets- I NEED to have a midget friend or buy one on the black market. I do not know where but this is a high priority in my life.

People falling down- Especially midgets, fat people and children. Midgets are funny because they are too short to bend so they just tumble over like one of those punching bags with the sand at the bottom. Fat people are just hilarious and again the bigger the better, especially if they can make a loud noise and take people out with them. As for children this is the sickest because children fall all the time,so it is only funny if they get hurt, not seriously hurt but enough to make them cry. This I am actually ashamed of but it usually gets the biggest laugh out of me.

Okay people there are three from me, I want to hear from everybody. Especially the females because they are usually the most demure about this shit.

Forgotten Casualties of Hockey Armageddon

We are all familiar with the upcoming labor dispute that is taking over the hockey world. More than likely there will not be an NHL season next year, but that has not stopped the Flyers from calling me and asking to renew my season tickets for next year. Many people associated with the league are making plans for next year like there will be no league. Many players are going to sit on their ass and live off of their huge paychecks while others, including Joe Thorton and Jaromir Jagr, are going to play in leagues in Europe and Russia. Comcast has even taken its Flyers employees and redistributed them into other Comcast positions. But there is one job that cannot be easily moved around, the job of announcing. Comcast has told its announcing team of Jim Jackson, Steve Coates and Gary Dornhoffer to look for other jobs in the meantime because they do not have anything else for them to do. God only knows what these guys are going to do, but I imagine that they are not going to get paid if there is no NHL. I have also heard on the radio Tim Saunders (radio announcer) doing commercials for some car company (Kia). In the commercials he mentions that while the NHL is on "hiatus" that he would be hanging out at this dearlership and that if you want a great deal that you should stop by and see him, and after a deal is signed then maybe you could talk some hockey as well. All of this is just plain sad. Because of the greed and arrogance of both the players and owners not only are the fans hurt by there being no season but there are going to be many ancillary people hurt by a lockout/strike. While these millionaires can afford to not work many people are going to have to go out and look for jobs that they are either not qualified for or are beneath them, all of this for nothing. I say nothing because when the NHL finally does return, there will be no difference, hockey players will still be overpaid and the owners will still be complaining about how much money they are losing. The NHL would just be better off if they realize that they are a minor sports league in this country and operate as such, and everybody would be better off.

Theater Excursions: Spider-Man 2

Starring Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst and Alfred Molina
Also Starring James Franco, J.K. Simmons and Rosemary Harris
Story by Alfred Gough, Miles Millar, and Michael Chabon
Screenplay by Alvin Sargent
Based on the Comic Book by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko
Directed by Sam Raimi

2002’s Spider-Man was a most unusual comic book film. While there was enough action to turn the film into a massive box office hit (grossing just over $400 million domestically), the movie was far more interested in character development and drama than it was in standard comic book storylines. This is a reflection of the comic book itself, of course, as “Spider-Man” was innovative in its use of a young hero who faced off against as many mundane personal problems as he did megalomaniacal supervillains.

The original film suffered a bit from having so much ground to cover. This is frequently a problem with any film that has to present the origins of its protagonist. While the shortcomings of the first film are understandable, I was surprised to see them repeated (though less egregiously) in the sequel. Once again, the “Spider-Man” portions of the story are given much less emphasis, and much less screen time, then the more personal dramatic conflicts in Peter Parker’s (Maguire) life. And, once again, the primary villain is under-motivated.

This time around, brilliant OsCorp scientist Dr. Otto Octavius (Molina) is injured when a dangerous experiment goes horribly wrong. He ends up with four powerful mechanical arms permanently grafted onto his spine, and they have a mind of their own which begins driving him mad. For reasons never adequately explained, he wishes to repeat his experiment on a larger scale, which could blow up half of New York.

But more important than any of that is everything going wrong in Peter’s life. His responsibilities as Spider-Man are keeping him from meeting his other responsibilities. He’s doing poorly in school, can’t hold down a part-time job, can’t pay the rent, can’t find the time to see Mary Jane’s (Dunst) play, and basically can’t keep his life in control any longer. To top it all off, his superpowers are starting to become a bit unreliable. While this is never fully explained, it appears to be a symptom of stress in his personal life. In any event, it provides Peter with the motivation to give up being Spider-Man.

If this all sounds familiar to you, it should. There is nothing in this movie that is in anyway original, even in the world of comic books. What makes this movie special (and it is) is that it is all pulled off so well. The script is juggling a lot of different balls at all times, and it keeps everything moving forward slowly, but steadily. In casting, the franchise has continued its tradition of hiring actors who are better than they actually need to be. Molina’s Dr. Octopus is perfectly in keeping with Dafoe’s Green Goblin: the character is nothing special, but the actor adds a great deal of nuance and sympathy. The action scenes are also magnificently well done. There are far fewer instances of glaringly bad CGI in this film than in the last one.

One fascinating element of this film is the intricacy of its thematic elements. There is a plot strand that involves the sudden and unexplained weakening of Spider-Man’s powers. This provides the funniest scene in the film, but it more importantly functions on a thematic level to demonstrate Peter’s inability to integrate his double life. We see from the start of the movie that Peter’s responsibilities as Spider-Man are intruding into his normal life. He can’t hold down a job, he’s not keeping up with his classwork, and his relationships are falling apart all around him. The flipside of this is that the stresses in his personal life are affecting his super-hero responsibilities also. This is dramatized by the fact that his powers will momentarily desert him. This phenomenon is never given an on-screen explanation or resolution. The fact that his powers come back in full only after he has resolved some of the conflicts plaguing his personal life indicate that the loss of powers was symptom of Peter’s inability to integrate his two lives. While the first film was about accepting the mantle of Spider-Man and making the decision to be a hero, this film more fully explores what that entails.

I’ve spoken with a few people who complained about the lack of action in this film. Personally, I found the drama so compelling that I think the movie would have been almost just as good without any villain at all. On the other hand, it is not the action-packed thrill-a-minute summer blockbuster that many people may be expecting. Most reviews I’ve seen have been glowing, but they’re from professional critics who know a good movie when they see one. I just wonder how this film will play among the sort of people who pay good money to see movies like Torque and don’t regret it.

Theater Excursions: Fahrenheit 9/11

Written, Narrated, Produced, and Directed by Michael Moore

In just three days, Fahrenheit 9/11 became the highest-grossing documentary ever, beating out Moore’s own Bowling for Columbine in that span. It premiered in late June of an election year. Disney refused to distribute the film, giving it free publicity amid the controversy. It won the Palm D’Or at Cannes and received the longest standing ovation ever at that film festival. It also promised to be a blistering attack on President Bush, and the film’s commercials and trailers were immediately some of the most effective anti-Bush ads on television.

The film does manage to live up to all of this hype, but only just. The biggest criticism that I’ve heard of the film is that it contains very little new information. At least, if you’re the sort of person who reads blogs a lot and closely follows the news, you’re not going to learn much. Speaking for myself, I did learn that there was a big protest rally against Bush on his Inauguration Day in 2001, where Bush’s limo was pelted with eggs. I also learned that ten members of the House of Representatives tried to officially object to the certification of the election results in the House, but were unable to get a single Senator to join them.

On the other hand, many people are seeing this film who learned a lot of stuff. If you only get your news from cable or network television, you might know about the links between Bush, the Saudi Royal family, and the bin Laden family, because the so-called liberal media doesn’t like to talk about that. You also might not know that Gore won the election in 2000, based on the independent recount conducted in 2001.

But even with all of that, this film isn’t so much about getting across information as it is about showing a side of reality that the news media doesn’t want you to see. During the War in Iraq, every major media organization had journalists “embedded” with soldiers in the field. Imagine all of the things they must have seen, but think about how little they actually showed us. In his film, Michael Moore shows us the things that don’t make the evening news. Just about everything you see in his film is something that is un-covered or under-covered by the mainstream press. The things that Moore leaves (the “balance” for instance) are the things you already know. At one point, Moore lists a few members of the Coalition of the Willing: Papau, Morocco, the Netherlands, Afghanistan, etc. He doesn’t mention the UK or Australia, because they get plenty of coverage already.

Michael Moore is providing the wider context that the news routinely leaves out. The most common charge being leveled against his film by Republican critics is that it does precisely this. Republicans presumably believe that the news doesn’t have an obligation to show all sides of the story, but an opinionated propagandist like Michael Moore does. Michael Moore shows images of amputee soldiers because the media won’t. Moore interviews the families of killed soldiers because the media won’t. Moore talks about Bush’s business background because the media won’t. That’s why the Republicans are mad. They can control the media, but they can’t control Michael Moore. And with over $50 million in the back in less than two weeks, a lot of people are getting his message. Moore says that he’s trying to use his film to help bring about Bush’s defeat in November. With such a polarized nation, I really don’t know if he’ll be effective or not. But with more than $55 million at the box office in just 10 days of wide release, Moore’s message is getting out loud and clear.

Death Pool Update

The CrewBlog St. Valentine's Day Death Pool has claimed its second victim. Marlon Brando, 80, died yesterday.

This gives Brant the lead with 27 points. Brant is currently our Angel of Death, as 2 out of his 10 picks have already kicked it this year. Tied for second are Jay and me with 7 points. Still on the starting line and tied for the Angel of Mercy award are Keith and Jenna with 0 points each.

Brant's 20 point lead isn't insurmountable, but it is significant. Also significant is the fact that Brant picked The Pope in common with two other players, so if the Pope dies, Brant doesn't lose his lead (and gains more ground on the two players who didn't pick His Holiness).

Of course, the wildcard picks could shift this thing very easily. Jay picked Courtney Love, and the way her life is going lately, that could pay dividends. I picked Britney Spears, so if her fiance's pregnant ex-girlfriend decides to take matters into her own hands, I could totally run away with this thing. Also, Dick Cheney has had four heart attacks already, he could go at any moment.

As for Keith and Jenna, they still have plenty of good picks who could expire before the year is out. No one's out of it yet. Remember, the game officially ends on February 13, 2005, so we still have more than seven months to go.

Rental Reviews: The Gift (2000)

Starring Cate Blanchett, Keanu Reeves, Giovanni Ribisi, Hilary Swank
Also Starring Katie Holmes, Greg Kinnear, J.K. Simmons, Michael Jeter
Written by Billy Bob Thornton & Tom Epperson
Directed by Sam Raimi

In most stories involving a hero with supernatural or otherwise special abilities, there has to be a villain with a similar sort of ability in order to fully challenge the hero. The Gift side-steps this requirement deftly by providing a hero who is really no such thing. Annie Wilson (Blanchett) is a fortune-teller, and her titular “gift” is central to the resolution of the plot. But there is nothing else supernatural in this film. Apart from the fact that Annie truly is psychic, everything else proceeds on an entirely realistic basis.

What makes the film so compelling is that Annie is portrayed as such a quiet, unassuming character. We see from the way she interacts with the other characters that she is a strong, independent, and fundamentally good woman. But she just wants to raise her family in peace, and prefers to leave the search for the missing girl to the police. Of course, that’s not what happens.

When a local girl suddenly disappears without trace, the local sheriff (Simmons) reluctantly calls in Annie’s assistance. Although initially unsuccessful, Annie soon has a dream which reveals the location of the missing girl’s body. This leads the police to a suspect, Donnie Barksdale (Reeves), and everybody is happy that they’ve solved the crime. Donnie protests that he is innocent, and believes that Annie is framing him. After having more disturbing visions, Annie becomes convinced that Donnie really is innocent, and that’s when the film really takes off.

Up until that point, the movie is very patient. The first act establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and presents Annie’s gift. We see that Annie is a kind of shrink/confidant for many of the locals. Valerie Barksdale (Swank) comes to her for help when her husband Donnie beats her. The local mechanic, Buddy (Ribisi), relies on her to deal with his own unspecified emotional troubles. All the while, she’s trying to help her sons get over the tragic death of their father.

Mixed in among these various threads are occasional scenes that hint at and slowly develop the intense creepiness of the final act. Also, the first act establishes what appears to be a fairly conventional plot about a woman protecting her family from a deranged assailant. So when Jessica King (Holmes) disappears, it looks like an entirely new plot thread is opening. When suspicion falls on Donnie, Annie’s deranged assailant, it looks like the film is hurtling toward a premature conclusion. But it’s really only getting started.

You could say that the film suffers from an overabundance of story. There certainly are a great many plot threads weaving their way through the movie. While on the one hand they are nothing more than red herrings, attempting to distract you enough that you don’t notice how predictable the ending is (in my case, it worked), on the other hand they are each fully developed and compelling in their own right. This movie easily could have been a disaster, but the script is patient enough to develop the side plots and supporting characters, and the cast is good enough to make each of these characters three-dimensional, real, and sympathetic.

I’m not terribly familiar with Sam Raimi’s work as a director, but he did a fine job with this film. While the script takes care of making the story work on a narrative level, the director nails the atmosphere, and gives the whole thing a deeply unsettling tone. With a lesser script, this film would have been an unremarkable schlock-thriller. With a lesser director, this script would have been a wasted effort. With a lesser cast, none of it could have worked. This is definitely a film where all the elements came together in support of one another, and the results are impressive.



Buy The Gift Now!